Forgiveness/ Reconciliation

Sermon given at Sydenstricker UMC 2/24/19

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^NRS Luke 17:3 Be on your guard! If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive. ⁴ And if the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, 'I repent,' you must forgive."

^NRS Ephesians 4:31  Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, ³² and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.

Today I want to talk about forgiveness and reconciliation. Are they the same? Does one require the other? What is the right answer? In the coming days these questions are going to need to be answered as we come to grips with differences of understanding, disagreement and anger and potentially the loss of relationships. My hope is that last week when I talked about building bridges you heard that our purpose is not to join the fray of argument but rather to wade into the water so that we can find common ground to stay in relationship. Today the General Conference is doing just that and I hope that within our church family those abilities exist and thrive. We are family and more than anything else, we are here for each other regardless of the world around us.

So I begin today by telling you that God loves you more than you can ever love God. Would you want to argue that statement? What if I said to you that God’s love for us is so great, that no matter what we do it never leaves us. I believe that scripture tells us how much God loves us over and over again. In fact, God loves humanity so much that God has spared humankind on three separate occasions, at the garden, during the flood and on the cross.

An American soldier is on duty in Iraq with his Iraqi counterpart. They are in an area that has shown itself to be friendly to the forces of democracy. The soldier says to the guard, let us go over and say hello. The guard replies, I cannot do that. Why not says the soldier. That man’s family did a terrible thing to my family. Oh, said the soldier, when did that happen? In 1389 says the guard.

A new pastor to the community notices that the two families of the church sit on opposite sides of the pews on Sunday morning and never talk across the aisle to the other family. When he has the congregation pass the peace, a time of sharing and hugging and handshaking, he notices that no one crosses the aisle. One day he asks them to explain why they do not talk to one another. Why young feller, says the patriarch of the one family. They committed a grievous crime agin' my family some years back. Oh, says the pastor, when was that. Why in 1837 says the patriarch.

In both stories, the center focus is on the refusal to forgive and forget some terrible thing one person or one family did to another. The punch line is the length of time that pain still carries the same weight it carried when the crime was committed.

Our scripture today is about forgiveness. Jesus preached on forgiveness and relationship more than any other subject. When Jesus preached on forgiveness, he wanted us to understand that forgiveness is about us, not the one who wronged us. Forgiveness is about seeing the example that God gives us that sets how we are to forgive. Finally, forgiveness is a demand from God, not an optional one. If the God of creation can forgive the sins of the created, then who can enslave us but ourselves? Jesus in Matthew the sixth chapter tells us that if we forgive the sins of those who sin against us, then God will forgive us our sins, but conversely, if we cannot forgive, then we will reap that which we sew and God will not forgive us. Jesus reminds us of this not once in the bible, but at least five times. Forgiveness and reconciliation are practices that give concrete expression to our calling as disciples of Jesus. Why is it important to understand forgiveness in order to be a good disciple? What does it mean to say that one must heal before they can become a healer or one must forgive themselves before they can learn to forgive others? If we cannot find ways to forgive others, then we are the ones who fail to heal. In that lies an important aspect of forgiveness.

1. Forgiveness is possible only when we acknowledge the hurtful impact of a person’s actions on our lives, whether or not the offender intended harm.
2. Forgiveness does not mean accepting behavior or allowing relationships without rules. Forgiveness does not excuse.
3. Forgiveness is the act of releasing your own guilt, shame or anger for the acts you did or were done to you.

Forgiveness in the bible is a way to healing self and re-establishing relationships. Without forgiveness, healing can never happen between you and the ones who wronged you. Ephesians tells us, “³¹ Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, ³² and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.” This is the focus of who we are to be. So how does it work? We start by reminding ourselves of all those people that we have thrown in debtor’s prison in our lives. Whom have we thrown in the debtor’s prisons?

Every one of us has a dungeon inside where we hold captive those who owe us for aggravation, insult, cheating, lying, manipulation, or any form of harm. We begin by creating the list of those who are still in the dungeons of our lives. The way we get to them is by realizing that if we still remember the wrong, then we still harbor the anger, fear, or vengeful feelings. Some may disagree with me that we can forgive but not forget. So who is still in the dungeon? Are there any we want to add? We will know they are there if we go in every so often and ‘beat them up’ with angry thoughts, vengeful fantasies, bad wishes and curses, and resentful replays of conversations in which we really ‘tell them off’. We will also know they are there if we are still treating them differently now.

Forgiveness is about letting go of the hurt that others may have caused you, not to excuse them for the thing they did to you, but to let yourself stop suffering from the effects of the thing they did. We can only do that when we acknowledge that the thing they did hurts. Forgiveness is not about excusing the behavior or about saying that the behavior is ok.

I have said in the past that peace at any cost is suicide by proxy. What I mean by that is that if we forgive the deed by allowing the person to believe that we accept the deed as ok, then we give them permission to do it again. Forgiveness is about letting go of the hurt caused by the deed, without accepting the deed as ok. It may mean that we establish rules if the relationship is to go on. Finally, forgiveness is releasing ourselves from the chains that we impose because of the anger and the hurt. Are you holding onto anger and hurt for something someone did to you yesterday, a week ago or even longer? Realize that if this is true, the person in the dungeon is not the person who did the act against us. The person in the dungeon is ourselves imprisoned by the bondage of that hurt. In order to set ourselves free, we have to forgive the person and the act and let it go. Not just forgive, but also forget.

Flora Wuellner, in her book Forgiveness, the Passionate Journey tells us that, “The basis of healthy forgiveness consists of asking these four questions honestly within the presence of God’s love: 

1)     What happened

2)     Who is responsible

3)     How do I feel about what happened

4)     What is my need right now

As children of God, we are to forgive all sins against us, regardless of how much it may have hurt us and move on with our lives.  This understanding will lead us to a better understanding of Jesus himself.  He not only forgave those who continued to follow him when he was on the cross, he forgave us all. 

I believe there are three main points to this act of forgiveness.  The first point is that we are directed.  That means that we have a choice, and yet our choice is whether we will be Christians, not whether we will forgive.  Jesus says to us, seven times seven is the number of times we must forgive those who have hurt us. Forgive or take the chance that we may not be forgiven.  Those are powerful words spoken by Jesus. 

The second point to forgiveness is that we must not judge while forgiving.  Knowing that we must forgive in order to continue to be thriving, growing Christians, we begin to follow Flora Wuellner’s advice.  We first evaluate what happened and who is responsible.  Not in the role of judge, but in the role of analyst.  For you see, in order to forgive, we must first understand.  We must set aside our need for revenge and begin to understand what happened and who the responsible person is, and then we can truly begin to heal.  It may be necessary to evaluate how you feel about what happened and what its impact on your life is.  Often I have prayed to God, God I will forgive him if you just make him pay! Have you said this prayer before?  You see God has been very direct about our roles and his role.  God is the Judge and Jesus will return to judge us all for our actions. 

Finally, there is reconciliation. Reconciliation can only happen after you have forgiven the hurt and moved past it. Once in that new place then the person who caused the harm must do something. Reconciliation cannot happen if the person who harmed you does not see that they hurt you and want to change that. Reconciliation cannot happen when both sides cannot agree to rules and boundaries about behavior. I often tell victims of abuse, forgiveness sets you free from the bondage of that abuse, reconciliation only happens when the other side wants to have a genuine authentic relationship with healthy boundaries and rules.

Today we come to a place where we may need to love one another even as we disagree with one another. Let us learn to interact with love, not hate, with hugs not anger and with understanding not becoming polarized and building walls between us. Jesus said that we should forgive one another as Jesus forgave us on the cross.

Bridging the Divide

Sermon given at Sydenstricker UMC 2/17/19

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^NRS 1 Corinthians 9:16 If I proclaim the gospel, this gives me no ground for boasting, for an obligation is laid on me, and woe to me if I do not proclaim the gospel! ¹⁷ For if I do this of my own will, I have a reward; but if not of my own will, I am entrusted with a commission. ¹⁸ What then is my reward? Just this: that in my proclamation I may make the gospel free of charge, so as not to make full use of my rights in the gospel. ¹⁹ For though I am free with respect to all, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I might win more of them. ²⁰ To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though I myself am not under the law) so that I might win those under the law. ²¹ To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law) so that I might win those outside the law. ²² To the weak I became weak, so that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some. ²³ I do it all for the sake of the gospel, so that I may share in its blessings.

Many years ago, I was asked to do my first confirmation class. I had no idea how to reach these young people in their language or with their understanding. I remembered reading a great book, Christianity Rediscovered by Father Vincent Donovan. He was sent as a missionary over to Africa to promote the growth of Christianity in the 1950’s. He failed. I remember reading that and thinking of John Wesley’s mission to America in Georgia where he converted zero people to Christ. Father Donovan learned what Paul is teaching us today. We cannot understand the other side until we stop trying to convince them they are wrong and learn what they are saying. Therefore, I had to learn a lesson in the language of youth that told me they could not make the connection between the cross and God’s grace. That is, until I build them a bridge that spanned the great divide with the cross as the bridge.

There is so much wrong with our world today. We have people angry because they recognize that we are not making great progress in race relations. Mind you, we are making progress, but the latest blow-up shows us that we have a long ways to go. We have arguments about abortion and the church stands somewhat silent on when life begins and when we as human beings can choose to be God and end it. The same could be said for capital punishment. We argue over gun control using the victims of senseless acts of evil as if they are punching bags for our pleasure to get the other side to see it our way. We argue that global warming is real or is not real, meanwhile not doing anything significant to change our world for the better. In the 70’s in North Dakota, farmers were already using 100 % Ethanol to fuel their equipment and windmills to generate power and here we are 50 years later still not getting closer to being more effective stewards or our world.  

I could talk about immigration by invoking the scripture that God said to the Israelites in the wilderness about loving the alien in their lands because they were aliens in Egypt but that might fuel the anger even more. Rather we should ask ourselves, do any of us have anything special on anyone today wanting to come here? Using Doctor Phil’s language, we could ask a true Native American how a welcoming posture of immigration is working for them. I hope that I have you all steamed up as I have equally attacked Democrat and Republican’s today. The truth is when we get right down to it; we are so polarized that we cannot even agree on much of anything. We spend our time in angry rhetoric that leaves us nowhere. Father Donovan learned quickly that he could not explain Jesus in terms the people did not understand. So he immersed himself in their culture to learn how to explain love in their language.

I often think about the world that Jesus knew. His world was full of political corruption, infighting among those in the Sanhedrin and constant clashes between Romans and Jews. Poverty was a huge problem with 50-60 % taxation on people, far beyond their ability to live comfortably. Nations were at war with each other over territorial rights, trading issues and greed was rampant. In His own country, racism, sexism and gender issues were a daily issue to be dealt with. Into this world, Jesus walked with love and peace.

Jesus in Matthew 5 reminds us that we are to be the seasoning of life for the world. We are to be salt, which adds taste and preserves. We are to be a light forcing darkness to be abated. That is what Jesus is calling us to be. Salt left out in the cold and the damp loses its taste if not spread over the food. We see that in the winter where salt put on the roads is easily washed away and needs to be replenished when the snow and ice come. How many of us understand that salt is the preservative that allows meat to last and not spoil. We are called by God to be that life force for all the world.

I love the story of the woman at the well.  Jesus talked with a Samaritan woman. Now to understand this picture well, we have to understand what it means to be a Jew and a Samaritan in Jesus day. Samaritans were the Jewish people left behind during the conquest of the Babylonians and Assyrians. When the Jewish people were scattered to the ends of the earth, some did not leave. Those that stayed adopted the lifestyle of the people around them, married and had children. When the Jews returned, they deemed these folks half-breeds. Both Jew and Arab alike left them alone and shunned them. So for a Jewish man to walk into a Samaritan town, much less talk with one, much less a woman at that was against every moral fiber of their culture. In other words, it would be like you and me going into places in Washington DC where people we think are inferior and socializing with them. What would we be thinking?

I also love the story of the adulterous woman. Of course, the Jewish leadership was trying to set Him up. However, what does He do, He does not acknowledge her crime, her failure or her faults. Rather He turns it back on the rest of us. You! I am talking to you over there. You, who believes you are better than this woman, let you reflect for a moment and if you can find no sin within you, go ahead and shun her, better than that, go-ahead and be the first to strike a killing blow. He shows her grace and mercy even though she has done wrong. So what is that saying to you and me? Is grace real or are we just going to let is spoil because we refuse to be the salt that preserves it?  

We are told in Titus; avoid foolishness, genealogies, dissensions and quarrels about the law. There is no profit in doing these things. So what are we supposed to do? We are called to follow Jesus. Simple, right? No, truth is it is difficult and challenging. But we are called to build bridges of love and grace where there is hate. We are called to serve a meal and invite to the table those who are divided so that we can share conversation with one another. In Ephesians, we are reminded that we were once those who were angry, divided and polarized. But Jesus came for us and the blood of Jesus washed us clean. ^ESVEphesians 2: 14 “For He Himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in His flesh the dividing wall of hostility.” Jesus gave all that He had to give so that you and I can be the bridge builders today.

Paul says it well in today’s scripture. He says to us, become the people we hate, become the people we are angry at and become, even if just for a moment, the people we disagree with. Walk for a moment in their shoes and listen to what they are saying. Does not mean you have to agree with them but for a moment, try to see it their way. He said to us in the scripture today, “I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some. ²³ I do it all for the sake of the gospel, so that I may share in its blessings.” What he means by that is what is important is not the prevailing issue but whether or not we can share grace and love together.

Bridge builders spend a great deal of time searching for the best foundations for the piers that will hold the span for long periods. They work hard at not fighting the elements as much as they find ways of using them to work to their advantage. We are called to do the same thing. What if we began to show love in the face of anger and grace in the face of hate and reminded each other how important it is to be loved? What if we spent our time witnessing to the power of a God who loves us so much that God came into the world to share with us for a while how to be in relationship, true relationship. What if we spent our time wading into the argument not for the sake of arguing, but for the sake of bringing conversation, compromise and understanding?

Our role today is not to join the ranks of the polarized, but to bring positive and negative magnets together to be a strong bonding bridge. We are called to be the light of the world. How do I know? A small group of brace men and women began to do just that two thousand years ago and their efforts changed the world. What if we stopped taking sides and stand in the middle with the cross on our back…..

A Lay Driven Church

Sermon given at Sydenstricker UMC 2/10/19

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^NRS Exodus 18:13 The next day Moses sat as judge for the people, while the people stood around him from morning until evening. ¹⁴ When Moses' father-in-law saw all that he was doing for the people, he said, "What is this that you are doing for the people? Why do you sit alone, while all the people stand around you from morning until evening?" ¹⁵ Moses said to his father-in-law, "Because the people come to me to inquire of God. ¹⁶ When they have a dispute, they come to me and I decide between one person and another, and I make known to them the statutes and instructions of God." ¹⁷ Moses' father-in-law said to him, "What you are doing is not good. ¹⁸ You will surely wear yourself out, both you and these people with you. For the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone. ¹⁹ Now listen to me. I will give you counsel, and God be with you! You should represent the people before God, and you should bring their cases before God; ²⁰ teach them the statutes and instructions and make known to them the way they are to go and the things they are to do. ²¹ You should also look for able men among all the people, men who fear God, are trustworthy, and hate dishonest gain; set such men over them as officers over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. ²² Let them sit as judges for the people at all times; let them bring every important case to you, but decide every minor case themselves. So it will be easier for you, and they will bear the burden with you. ²³ If you do this, and God so commands you, then you will be able to endure, and all these people will go to their home in peace."

I stand before you today to acknowledge the accomplishment of laity throughout the history of our relationship with God. God has called us out to serve in ways that praise the majesty of God’s work here on earth and to perform the countless activities that God desires. We are called to witness to the power and majesty of God, the grace, mercy and love that is God, to the world around us through our hands and feet. This week I was saddened that we failed to secure enough hands and feet to support our ministry at Rising Hope for the homeless. That has never happened before. I pray that it will not happen again. For those of you that cannot comprehend, let me share it this way. Any one of us stands one catastrophic event from becoming like those who have come seeking a little assistance to allow them to keep their heads above water. When we provide food and shelter to the homeless, we acknowledge that we have an abundance that not everyone has. God asks us to share that abundance, our resources and our time, by providing a safe place for those who have no place to rest their heads to do so. Jesus said, foxes have holes and the birds have nests but the Son of God has no place to rest His head. Maybe, just maybe, that homeless person who has a place to sleep in safety and warmth is Jesus. So when we spurn the opportunity to provide it, we spurn Jesus.

The text today is all about letting go of ego and having control to share in the load of effort that life demands of us. Moses is leading the people into a new reality and he is trying to do so all by himself. Fortunately, for Moses, he has a wise father in law in Jethro. Jethro tells him, teach and let your teaching lead the people. Teach them the rules and the way of things. Then delegate those activities to the people to do the wok so that it may be done effectively and efficiently. So Moses does just that and the people, the laity of his day step up and perform the hands and feet work that must be done.  So begins the story of the laity.

In Jesus day, the disciples are called by Jesus to witness to the message of grace, mercy and love to the world. Now I think it is important that note that none of the disciples in the inner circle are seminary trained. Not a single one attended the Wesley school of Jewish religious studies located in the City of David. Not one wears the symbols of the office of ordained elder, the robe or the stole, though each we could argue wears the dirty sandals that are called for in their role. I often wondered how they could ever do what they do without that formal diploma hanging on their walls at home. Maybe, just maybe, because they are the laity they are more attuned to the needs of those around them. Maybe, just maybe, they understand what Jesus is trying to tell them because it relates to them more closely. So they go out and change the world. Now we can argue they become the Pastors of their day, but they certainly do not start out that way. I suspect if we could view the groups on that day there are many lay people doing the necessary work that needs to be done.

In more modern times, John Wesley began a movement that helped shape a nation. His desire to modify the current Episcopal order became itself an order called the Methodist church. At its very root is the role of laity. Laity led the church in study and order, only transferring that leadership to clergy for sacrament. Early churches existed in people’s homes and laity led the weekly worship. Clergy showed up every few months to baptize and share communion. Meanwhile the laity, not the clergy, did the work of the church, the day-to-day work, the witnessing and assisting and sharing. Interestingly enough, the church not only survived but also flourished in this laity led environment.

Today we have become more pastored centered. We rely on the pastor to lead and direct us, to share with us how to do this and that. But in truth, the pastor should be our spiritual guide to set vision and direction. Just like Moses, the church should function with the laity leading, driving and doing. Just like the model of Jesus with the Disciples, I should offer us vision and direction, which comes from God first, not me, and then let you the laity listen to that vision and lead us into the world. The laity of the church need to step up into the role of leading, doing and growing the church. John Wesley understood this well.

So what does that look like? For the last 2 ½ years we have been on a journey of discovery, learning and discernment. God has been leading us to grow as a church in new and different directions. We are called to build relationships with neighbor and family. Today we have Scouts here with us that are part of our extended family, who meet on Mondays and Thursdays and other times, many of those activities right here on our campus. As they are exploring how to grow into productive adults, we are here to assist them and guide them as God is guiding us. That is what relationship is all about. The earliest disciples were not focused on ego’s but on relationship. In fact, I heard a relationship story recently. There were two robins sitting on the electric line. One says to the other, “I’m really hungry.” The other replied, “So am I” “Well let us go down into the field below us and get some lunch.” So one flew down and then the other. The field below them has been freshly plowed so there were lots of worms to eat. Pretty soon, they were both full. The one says to the other, “I am so full I don’t believe I can fly back up.” The other says, “The sun is nice and warm, why don’t we bask in the sun.” Soon they were fast asleep. Suddenly a big fat cat came along and seeing the sleeping fat cardinals, ate them up. The cat said to itself, “I do so love baskin robins”  

When our egos are in control, we stand a good chance of losing sight of our surroundings and often find ourselves eaten by the world around us. Our efforts constantly need to be sharing radical hospitality to our neighbors, sharing the grace and mercy and love of God. Our new model of leadership is about practicing discernment rather than polarity. Practicing asking God to direct us is very different from the standard; I have an agenda model most churches practice. As laity, our role is take the vision from the Pastor and put it into action, through the hands and feet of the congregation. We the laity should drive the church to be the gift to neighbor that God intends it to be. What if we suddenly decided to no longer be a place where we simply come, but a place where we share the best of the best with each other? What if we decided to practice the love of God the way that God modeled it for us with the early disciples?

John Wesley in setting up small groups was modeling what he had read and understood from the model of Jesus. What had happened in the early church was that people gathered shared witness of Jesus to one another, shared a meal with one another, then went out, and did the hard work of lifting people into a better place. Small groups that took the vision given to them by Jesus and put it into action. What if we did the same? What might it look like?

Maybe the NLI model is the key. The Pastor sets the vision, the Leadership Board takes that vision and sets the policies and direction for the church, establishes the staff and volunteers needed and then empowers the laity to go and do. The laity in teams of small groups go out and do the work. That is the essence of where we are going and of what discipleship really looks like. Are you ready to go on this journey with me? Let us become the disciples for the modern age and change the world into a place of peace, joy and harmony, at least in this place and in this time.