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NRS Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man
should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner." 19
So out of the ground the LORD God formed every animal of the field and every
bird of the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them;
and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20
The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every
animal of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper as his partner.
21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he
slept; then he took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22
And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and
brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, "This at last is
bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out
of Man this one was taken." 24 Therefore a man leaves his
father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.
We have spent
the last two weeks together talking about what it means when marriages fail and
sometimes they do. First marriages fail at an alarming rate in America. And
that number grows for those in second marriages. It failed for me and for some
of you. And it fails because one or both of the parties fails to live up to the
standard of marriage in the Bible. We fail at being the perfect partner to our
spouse. Most of the writers and commentators of the twentieth century focus on
the legalistic aspect of the scriptures and this perspective can and will
continue to be harmful to those who through no fault of their own find
themselves divorced. This is contrary to what God wants us to know about God’s
love, sin and forgiveness. This is contrary to both Paul and Jesus said about
divorce and many other things as they fought legalism throughout their
ministries. Jesus and Paul held that love was the central aspect of God’s
message, not legalism. Legalism is that part of us that wants everything to be
black and white and judgmental. The danger of legalism is that legalized obedience
to the law, which is supposed to bring us to a state of grace and mercy actually
pushes us away from God’s grace instead of allowing us to focus on the
imitation of Christ in God’s love for one another.
Let us talk
about Paul for a moment. Many will argue that Paul takes a harder line on
divorce than Jesus does, especially when it comes to re-marriage. But as you’ve
heard me say before, let us remember to always take things in context. For
Paul, the context is both his belief in Christ’s return in his lifetime and the
tribulation which will precede that return. Paul believed with all his heart,
at least until near the end, that Jesus was going to return in his lifetime as
did most of the early disciples. Paul also believed that all Christians must
walk through a time of tribulation in the final days of the world. Everything
that Paul talks about is based on those two beliefs. It shaped his theology and
teaching of disciples. Now here is the thing. For the last two weeks, we have
studied the Old and New Testament regarding divorce. Some of you have hung on
every word, maybe because you or your families have experienced divorce and you
want to know. Some of you have scoffed at what is being said, even going so far
to say that I’m saying it this way to justify my own experience. And you know
what, in a way you’re right. I can truthfully say that I made mistakes in the
past and I can also say that I believe that God has forgiven me those mistakes
as God forgives us all for our mistakes when we come with repentive hearts. My
experience is that we are the ones who can’t seem to forgive one another for
stumbling.
The real question
for all of us should not be is there divorce and remarriage in the world, we
know there is. And it is not about to go away in the future. But the real
question is how is the church going to respond to it? When someone in our
community suffers because of a relationship break-up, what is our response? Do
we reach out in love at a time at a time when they feel the devastation of
divorce? What you may not realize is that we, society and the church, isolate
those in divorce. When someone dies, we surround them. When someone divorces,
we choose sides and most of the time, we just push them away.
So what did
Paul say and why did he say it? Well let us start with a truth. The disciples,
all of them, believed with all their hearts that Jesus was coming again in
their lifetime. They believed that they would see Jesus before they passed away.
And because of that they sacrificed whatever was needed in order to be the most
obedient, the most loving and the most nurturing people that they could be. The
early church surpassed all of our understandings of reaching out to the world.
In a mere 70 years, hundreds of thousands had been converted to followers of
Christ. Today we struggle to bring one person into relationship with God in our
community of eighty thousand. They stood bravely against all odds because they
believed that time was short. Paul believed that he would see Jesus personally
return to earth before he met his death. And they all believed that there is a
period of tribulation and persecution that all Christians who are alive will
have to go through. This is particularly important to Paul. It was only as they
began to age and die off that they realized that Jesus might not be coming back
as soon as they thought. But here’s the deal. If you expected that Jesus was
coming again in the near future and that just before he arrived you expected
life for Christians to become a terrible time of persecution what would you do?
If you knew or believed that tribulation was coming, that persecution which
already claimed lives daily was going to get worse, would you marry and have
children? Would you recommend to others to do the same thing? Certainly you
would struggle to ask people to bring children in the world. And we must see
Paul in this context to understand his teaching on marriage, divorce and especially
remarriage. We must also understand that Paul truly believed that the best way to
follow Christ was as a single person. Dr. Mickey Efird reminds us, “Paul’s
counsel to those who were unmarried, therefore, does not reflect a negative
outlook toward marriage or sexuality, because his advice was predicated solely
on a practical basis, not on theological negativity toward these matters.”[1]
Paul in 1 Corinthians, chapter 7 argues against marriage except in the case
where emotions are so high that without marriage sin will happen (Sounds a
little like high school doesn’t it). But Paul also tells us that if we marry,
we do not sin. He just recommended against it. “Paul says nothing explicit
about remarriage after divorce because of his understanding that the Parousia was
about to come…He did say however, that if unmarried persons decided to marry
that no sin was attached to that…Would a divorced person be included among
those designated as “unmarried”? The answer is probably “yes.””[2] Parousia
is the return of Christ and the lawless period that will precede his return.
Now I intend to
diverge for a moment. Why? Because when Jesus responds to the Pharisees in the
Gospel account found in Matthew and Mark, he does not respond to their
question, “Is divorce ok”. What he says is that divorce happens because we sin;
we harden our hearts and become disobedient. Hear the words from Mark 10: 6-9,
Jesus response to the Pharisees.
NRS Mark 10:6 But from the beginning of creation, 'God made them male
and female.' 7 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother
and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.' So
they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has
joined together, let no one separate."
Let us hear the
words of Paul found in Hebrews.
NRS Hebrews 13:1 Let mutual love continue. … 4 Let marriage
be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God
will judge fornicators and adulterers.
And finally hear
the message from Ephesians from the Message:
Message Ephesians 5: 21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent
to one another. 22-24Wives, understand and support your husbands in
ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his
wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.
So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives
should likewise submit to their husbands. 25-28Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly
as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love
makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says
is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk,
radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives.
They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one"
in marriage. 29-33No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds
and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of
his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his
wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery,
and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way
Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband
is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to
honor her husband.
Aren’t those
beautiful words? They sum up what God intends for us to understand as the way
we are to be in relationship with one another in marriage. What God is trying
to tell us throughout the Bible from Genesis to Revelation is summed up in
these words. What Jesus and Paul are trying to tell us is that marriage is meant by God
to be the perfect relationship. Marriage is meant to be a combining of two
spirits, emotionally and physically, in such a way that separation is
unthinkable and simply not part of the equation. Some of you have experienced
those types of relationships. Some of you are in those types of relationships.
And you will probably tell the rest of us that even those types of
relationships have times of distress and trouble. But because the two of you
have become one, you find ways to get through. And I believe that happens
because you follow the rules set forth in Ephesians. It doesn’t say that women
should submit to their husbands and become slaves. It doesn’t say that the man
is the master. Hear what it says. It says that the two love one another,
submitting their individual will to the central will of love that holds you
together. You become one flesh. You become one voice. You become one in Christ
because you live in obedience to God and each other. Jesus wants us to know
that marriage is supposed to be this. “The
marriage relationship is intended to be mutually supportive for each of the
persons involved.”[3]
This is the truth of God’s message about
marriage and divorce, whether from the Old Testament or the New. Whether from
the prophets, the Mosaic Law or from Jesus or Paul, the focus of the message has
been on what marriage is supposed to be. The reality is that for some of us,
either because of our own actions or the actions of our spouses, it doesn’t
work that way. And when it doesn’t work that way, we can struggle for years in
counseling or abuse and it still is not going to work the way that God wants it
to work. And so divorce happens. Dr. Efird asks the appropriate question here.
“But is it the greatest sin? The sin from which there is no forgiveness or
relief? If the New Testament teachings about forgiveness and new life and new
beginnings and true change within people have any validity, is divorce not also
to be considered under these principles?”[4]
Each of you has seen people go through
the agony of divorce. It is not pretty. Financial lives will suffer for years
and where children are involved, relationships may be strained forever. Where
children are involved, it is even worse as the two people who could not get
along try to raise children with different rules. And the worst thing about
divorce is that your friends and family take sides. And often you’re not on the
right side. I experienced this mean spirited attitude at an Annual Conference
while talking with someone from my home church. And the church often takes the
side that divorce is the unforgivable sin and sends the divorcing parties out
or isolates them so that they leave. Hopefully I have made you ponder about
divorce, remarriage and marriage. Dr. Efird says that the church should take
the role of healer and forgiver. “It should be the role of the church to be an
instrument of healing and redemption in such a situation. It should not be the
role of the church to point accusing fingers of condemnation (even if they may
be deserved).”[5] I want
to leave you this morning with a quote from the Lynchburg District
Superintendent who struggled through divorce and is now remarried. “Personally,
I have learned to enjoy my remarriage and the numerous joys and occasional
difficulties that always come when families must learn to blend. I have finally
learned that God’s grace is much more than a theological concept. It is a
precious gift that even ministers can experience and enjoy.”[6] The message of the Bible from beginning to
end is that God loves us. And no matter where we come from, no matter what sins
we have committed, there is nothing that will prevent us from the love of God
and God’s forgiveness. And there is no sin that can keep us from God’s
redeeming grace except denying God. The question we must answer is as a church
are we going to love one another or judge them? Let us pray….
[2] Efird,
page 80
[3] Efird,
page 84
[4] Efird,
page 88
[5] Efird,
page 90
[6] Davies,
Larry, “Adult Bible Study”, Divorce Recovery Workshop Guidebook, page 34
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